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A Ravens view of issues that are Humorous, Relevant and Personal. “Would these words make the lost soul, bereft of hope nod his head and smile or throw up?”

Is Why - May 2008

Sex the other Four Letter Word

May 3rd 2008 18:45


When exactly did sex become the other four letter word?

It’s spring and guess what the animal kingdom is doing:

Birds of all feathers are courting, doing their check me out dances, flapping their wings, honking and singing at 3AM, feeding each other, building nests and mounting each other with reckless abandon everywhere.

The junk yard ugly dogs are doing some really serious scat and butt sniffing while searching for that perfect mate to lock up with for a 3 day fling – and the bitches are down with that, it’s all a part of the pre-whelping season.

Cats are yowling and screeching because the birds woke them up with their incessant clamoring and they’re out in cat herds fighting for the right to court the only tentatively receptive furry femme fatale in the neighborhood.

Salmon are returning from the open seas to polish their pickup lines in hopes of an opportunity to finally spawn, it’s their one and only fling in their life and it must be wild because there aren’t any survivors.

And the bears, now they’re just disgusting, nuzzling each other and wrestling in the tall, soft spring grasses, the boar’s serving up salmon flavored Häagen-Dazs with Hemlock limb and herring egg hors d’oeuvres to the center of his attention, they’re so civilized about the mating thing it just makes me rabid. Thankfully, they do it in the woods.

Then we get into the grazers; now they know how to rut, the bulls invite all of the available females in the neighborhood over for a block party, the bulls snort, bugle, strut, prance about, eat way to many fermented berries and then beat each other to a pulp in hopes that they will still have energy to meet the needs of the gals they’re bent on impressing, but, by the time they’re healed up enough to mate, some scrawny geek male has serviced the gals and left without saying goodbye.

Finally,
there are the sophisticated humans, practicing the language of love; "Sure . . . you can pass for 16.", "OKkkk, but . . . are you sure you're sterile?", "Yea, I'm very rich.", "Oh, sure, I'll call you in the morning.", "Me, . . . I’m not married.", "Are you sure mom says this is okay?", ". . . yup, it’s huge isn’t it?", ". . . I love you too.", " . . . yea, I think you're sexy.", "I don’t normally drink. . .", Hey, what’re these feathers for?", "OK, but just for a minute and not all the way.", "I’ve never done this before…"

Followed with the traditional mixed gender sport of gaudy but scantily clad gamers plying each other with the liquor, smoke, pills, love chat, sensual writhing, simulated vertical mambo massage techniques, snorting, pawing, sniffing, dinner, Haagen Dazs, nuzzling, and the refusal to call in the requisite 3 day cooling off period.







Yea, it probably ain’t pretty to the uninvolved, but when did sex become a four letter word; when it evolved into love.


Raven

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Comments
8 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by katyzzz

May 4th 2008 00:39
Well done, dude, loved the surprise ending, incidentally birds often have their own special mates and are faithful, you know what they say, if you want fidelity, marry a swan.

I like to think I function at a higher level, and there is no need to talk about it, and notice that, the animals just do it as they say on the t shirts, not spend hours, days, months, years talking and salivating about it.

There are so many voyeurs here I wonder about their non-existent sex lives, or the calibre of moose with which they have it. But, that's their problem not mine, the fools.

Not a bad Sunday opener, I'm feeling swell, wonder how the druggies are feeling? they usually look like Hell .

I'm off to Heaven, see you around Orble.

If they don't like it, they don't have to read it. A little abstinence would be good for them.

Comment by RubySoho

May 4th 2008 00:51
nice one raven. and for the record, yes mum definitely said it was okay...

Comment by Damo

May 4th 2008 01:04
Sort of bugs when flies do it in my house.
The least they could is turn the mat over so I know not to come in.

Comment by tlcorbin

May 4th 2008 01:57
High praise katyzzz, and thank you.
And as you say: Why talk? Do!
It is a great day....
~ ~ ~
I like your mom Ruby, she's a realist.
~ ~ ~
They can really be inconsiderate in that way Damo.

I'm glad you all stopped by.

Raven

Comment by Kleonaptra

May 5th 2008 00:34
I gotta say, I had some scary flashbacks at one point there.

And just for the record, when animals cant do it, they do constantly talk and salivate over it....Just ask Zayfe. Or Binky. Or Wist for that matter! And dont forget my ever horny Pigeonos indigenous.

Loved the post! Great descriptions.

Comment by tlcorbin

May 5th 2008 02:52

Comment by tlcorbin

May 6th 2008 04:33
I can deal with that, it's the dinosaur peeing and defecation thing that worries me, have you seen some of my in laws D'Armenta? They were impacted by ancient dino pee, no doubts.

Talk about being kicked out of the mitochondrial DNA pool wowch, they went straight to the lizardochondrial DNA as founding fathers, er, lizards.

WC Fields who??? hahahaa...

Raven

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