tlcorbinEvangelista’s VS Raven
December 28th 2007 12:06
Burning issues I’d like to see addressed by the clergy:
1. Advise their members not to bother proselytizing anyone when they’ve been drinking at a wet t-shirt contest.
2. Define debauchery in modern terms; extreme indulgence in sensuality can be applied to cyber sex, web surfing, over eating, public self flagellation, and verbal flatulence.
3. Explain that sex is a good thing; except with your kids, kissing cousins, pets, livestock, feathered fowl and some silicon based dolls of the same.
4. Holding prayer groups in the middle of busy streets isn’t necessarily going to guarantee you passage into heaven, but it can bring you to its doors in a hurry if someone loses their breaks trying to stop enough to go around the mid street revival.
5. Being an overweight fat butted Christian is still being a fat butted individual. Pastors ought to suggest that those rotund individuals stay away from the all you can eat buffets for at least 20 minutes after getting out of church and to avoid waddling their way through the line more than three times; they could get cramps and isn’t gluttony still off limits to all but the clergy?
6. Explain that even though they dress in their best tog’s, wear nice scents and don’t swear, smoke, scratch or itch in church; god knows that they’re naked under the clothing, have BO or a smoke odor stuck to their clothing that they’re trying to mask, hears their unspoken speech and see’s them sneak a scratch in where it itches.
7. Manners matter, seasoned ladies shouldn’t share odoriferous syntaxes in church while setting next to some innocent child, they’ve enough problems in their lives and don’t need to get into a farting contest with you.
8. Explain in a pointed manner that big G created everyone and everything and loves diversity, except for that freaky couple in the back pew.
9. Don’t show off your arrogance and memory by quoting scriptures that aren’t relevant to the listener; why should they be, they come across as a cosmic test that when, predictably, you fail them, they know damn good and well you’re going to immediately doom them to be caste into boiling pits of sewage or into politics, equally unsavory.
10. Temptation isn’t a problem until you pick up a brick, or dial that number.
11. Covet your neighbors mate at the risk of being sued, getting an STD, paying alimony, seeing your nude photos posted on U-Tube and getting to see the kids once a month if you can’t afford a decent attorney.
12. Don’t make change for yourself when you toss the fiver into the collection basket.
Raven has issues.
2. Define debauchery in modern terms; extreme indulgence in sensuality can be applied to cyber sex, web surfing, over eating, public self flagellation, and verbal flatulence.
3. Explain that sex is a good thing; except with your kids, kissing cousins, pets, livestock, feathered fowl and some silicon based dolls of the same.
4. Holding prayer groups in the middle of busy streets isn’t necessarily going to guarantee you passage into heaven, but it can bring you to its doors in a hurry if someone loses their breaks trying to stop enough to go around the mid street revival.
5. Being an overweight fat butted Christian is still being a fat butted individual. Pastors ought to suggest that those rotund individuals stay away from the all you can eat buffets for at least 20 minutes after getting out of church and to avoid waddling their way through the line more than three times; they could get cramps and isn’t gluttony still off limits to all but the clergy?
7. Manners matter, seasoned ladies shouldn’t share odoriferous syntaxes in church while setting next to some innocent child, they’ve enough problems in their lives and don’t need to get into a farting contest with you.
8. Explain in a pointed manner that big G created everyone and everything and loves diversity, except for that freaky couple in the back pew.
9. Don’t show off your arrogance and memory by quoting scriptures that aren’t relevant to the listener; why should they be, they come across as a cosmic test that when, predictably, you fail them, they know damn good and well you’re going to immediately doom them to be caste into boiling pits of sewage or into politics, equally unsavory.
10. Temptation isn’t a problem until you pick up a brick, or dial that number.
11. Covet your neighbors mate at the risk of being sued, getting an STD, paying alimony, seeing your nude photos posted on U-Tube and getting to see the kids once a month if you can’t afford a decent attorney.
12. Don’t make change for yourself when you toss the fiver into the collection basket.
Raven has issues.
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Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
Health Focus
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Loved the black Raven, Raven's into flesh, but the thought of being able to find you easily (obviously not in Church) is just too much to 'bare' ha ha.
Church and pews for all my views.
Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Comment by tlcorbin
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Gawd help the congregation should I ever start preaching. I could probably add a whole new chapter to the definition of a come to Jesus meeting.
It's a personal favorite of mine Damo. Raven